That to Which You are Reduced

 
There's some fairly surreal song that Katie's Mom sang to her and her sister when they were babies. It involves fish going over dams and a few groups of nonsense rhymes. The fish would "fim" and "fam" right over that dam. All that would culminate with a deep knee-bend and a "swoosh!" sound. Which, I guess, physically represents a fish "fimming" and "famming" over a dam. Turns out that Max's DNA tells him to enjoy this knee-bend motion, too. This is fine of you are a dancer (like Katie's Mom) but not so fine if you are a six foot five mutant with bad knees (me).

However, field tests have revealed that Max cannot tell the difference between knee bends and experiencing the same motion from a more arm-based locomotion.

Now picture yourself at a dinner party with friends and a crying baby (yours). You just want to hang out for twenty minutes more. What are you willing to do to get those precious minutes? That's right: you are become a "fim/fam" machine and you have no compunction about it. Now, if there were just a machine that could replicate this motion: that is something that we should work on!