10 Dollar Idea

For a long time, Whenever a friend or relative had a child - procreated, I mean - visiting the new family always made the incomprehensible pretty concrete. I'd go over there, and there'd be this kid and all the accoutrement that comes with said kid: all the blankets and, later, the toys. I realize now that, on my face, not as guarded as I thought, was a look. A look that said less "Congratulations!" and more "You're voting Republican, why?" or "So, you've decided to shoot up Heroin, huh?".

My friends and family were nice and continued to let me visit even though I unwittingly had this look on my face.

As the kid grew, I'd visit, and it always seemed like there was uncooked pasta or some, firm legume all over the floor at these kid-infected houses. Penne tucked in a corner or Radiatore grouped like spreading continents on the carpet. "What the hell with all this f'n pasta everywhere?" my disgusted brain would think.

Of course, now that I've drunk the kool-aid myself, it has become clear that these uncooked peas and pastas are fairly safe, durable things that make lots of noise when transfered from one container to another and, most importantly, occupy your child for up to five minutes.

I'd like to apologize to my friends and family for thinking the worst of them. You all can do all the heroin you want; just don't vote Republican.